Grief

In the future, many words will be used to refer to the year 2020. Few will be positive, but I expect the number one word will be grief. As the year slogs to a close, most everybody has dealt with grief in some form or another. Some will have lost family members or friends or coworkers. But even the deaths of total strangers are taking an unusual toll this year...this unending year of anxiety and uncertainty and anger.

At times it seems there is no downtime, no break from the unrelenting reality surrounding us. Folks are belligerent and enraged at all the things they can't control. Days are filled with fear and stress from loss of jobs or security or the help of family members. Running beneath all of the other aggravations in life is the specter of the Virus.

Whether you believe or not, deep down within all of us is the fear of the unseen and the unknown. You can take the best advice of scientists and hope you'll be safe, but the truth? The truth is it's a crap shoot, a roll of the dice, a chance of infection you can't avoid. Like a child whistling in the dark, some deny it in the face of all the evidence. But underneath...yeah, they know.

The folks I've lost this year have all been non-Covid deaths. Strange, isn't it? In any other year, we would gather to send them off with memories and songs. We'd take food and flowers and offer hugs and comfort. But not this year. This year we share our thoughts and memories via the Internet. That's our new reality so it's not surprising there's a rebellion in the works. 

We're spoiled. In the last fifty years, we've had access to fast transport so we can travel anywhere we want or need within hours. All it takes is a plane or train, heck even a bus or car, and boom there we are, gathering with friends and family, whether to celebrate holidays or grieve for loved ones. It wasn't like that in the past. Before that, once you moved on to a new place you likely wouldn't ever see your family and friends again. If a family member died, depending on how far away, the family generally sent one person to represent them and that was it. Life went on. The practicalities of life were more important.

This year we're getting a small taste of what if was like in the past. And we don't like it. Surely, someone must be to blame. We're tired of adulting and want to go back to those times when our parents fixed everything. My dear, dear ones. I fear it isn't gonna happen. I suspect we're going to have to grow a pair, pull up our big girl panties, and forge onward. 

This week a dear friend of mine died most unexpectedly. She lived on the other side of the world in Australia. She lived life to the fullest, going out there, experiencing everything she could while she could. She was the most practical of women. When we talked about all the stuff going on around the world, she would say, "Keep moving. Live life while you have it. Learn something new everyday."

The first thing I did when her lovely gracious children messaged me with the news was smile. Not because I wasn't saddened and grief-stricken, but because that was her legacy. Whenever I thought about her, or talked to her, I smiled. I hope when I'm gone, my family and friends will do the same.